the website of
The Past
go home
Gather as many people as words (941),
or as many people as paragraphs (14),
or as many people as chances you've had to start again (x),
or as many people as are in your home (y),
or as many people as there are hours in the day (24),
or as many people as there are contacts in your phone (z).

Read aloud.
First performed in 2019.
The state
The state of things, an end of summer report:

Welcome back to the studio, shifted about five feet back, and now facing south.
Same place, right or wrong, getting there. Room for manoeuvre.
go back
The things we are carrying forward: no clean slate, never fresh, not ready, having to go,
keep going, the only way is the way we end up going, no authority from me, written out, exclusive gesture, highly random and not-at-all, void, discomfort, reveal.

The next step isn’t pointed out: 10 ways to go,
no clear path, all answers, five questions,
3 daily to-do lists, circle back, list and repeat.

Anticipation and not knowing, waiting and holding out, holding off, holding of,
and giving out.
The future in the past said it is a circle not an overlap, there was something called ‘hope’ that wasn’t about being false, there was a promise (in secret, kept to self), there was something to be fulfilled, there was an idea of what was going on.
Pretence or not, it doesn’t matter.
Intention, in tension, and it didn’t matter if the walks had been taken or not.
Camp out and examine the bones of what was previously laid out.
A nod in the direction of the plan.
Not going back, not sure of where to go, no time to do it, no place to do it, waiting for a signal.
Bogged down in a place of stagnant water, conversations going in circles on linear land, thoughts scattered in a contained area, futile plant.
Not buried but planted, and who can we trust if the plant already gave themselves away.
The land did not hold up the offered story, visits fell through, walks went nowhere, meant nothing, distraction.
Growth towards the green and fruitful; letting go of what no longer holds.
Sell the whiteboards.
Compile trajectory list, differences between then and now.
Sell the whiteboards; that was a joke.
Sell the whiteboards; just imagine it.

Action: the place of waiting for conditions to align and people to say the very thing you wanted them to.
Sometimes the script plays out in your head and in your life, and they match up just fine.
Sometimes people go on walks without me, without telling me, without it being anything got to do with me or my intentions.
Into the supermarket, into the woods, on an investigation into invasive species.
“We should watch the house full of light and die” was a true sentiment then, but is it so now?
The plan is not ready. The map was lost (it was never really a map to begin with.)
There are a number of possibilities: readings in closed rooms advertised after the event; an invocation of dead grandfathers who might have the answers and if not then just stories, through the spirits of real people; more paper and a tally of scores; a written piece read by someone else’s voice while we fold the sheets we slept on and walked on and wrote on, in the background; cooking and eating while sharing the collection of newspaper headlines without intention to discuss the content; walking, alone, separately, in secret, and you’re out if you see anyone else doing it; talking, in a circle, but not sitting down, and everyone present has been chosen to be there specifically; an invitation to a gathering and that’s it, bring bowls, cups, and a plan.
anyone or anything could be the one to start it off, to choose a word (key word), to get the ball rolling, and all of this can only be positive.
The moment of change, the moment is now, 17 days ago was the start, and even with the getting it out of the way there might by a sigh and eye roll, but that’s ok.
the aim is not to confuse, but to uncover; not to demonstrate, but interrogate without end or expectation; can I get up here and say this?
Pinpoint to the point of explosion, and when it explodes, that’s when it is work
through doing, through saying, through writing, through and through, true too. Discomfort, veil, question, significance lost or not there, difference, approach, slip through, positive doubt, the people known and unknown, willing or not, participation, instigation, lead and take power, let go of control, make decisions, push forward, gesture, and compile.
the given parameters, the feeling of loss, the need to grasp, the definition and the resistance to set it free, the meaning that is there and the meaning that is not there, the only thing each person can bring is themselves so do not think it as anything less than the whole.
the border between the life practice and art, the farm and the page, the cup being offered and the cup overflowing, the running away that is still toward the only place you are meant to be, the moment for listening to silence of waiting, the audience who is an audience and not a reception, the listing in a catalogue might be a supporting role but that is ok too.
context, the history of this moment, the thing being placed as dictated meaning or expectation, creator, piece, author, written, every single thing is so laden with meaning that it sinks into itself and becomes impenetrable (free it and we will all be ok again), that nothing has changed.
context, the future in the past, the feeling that can be recreated and regenerated, a new feeling altogether, a new path, a thing we will figure out on the way going forward, everything changes by the wind blowing over it